I have difficulty saying no probably because I have learned that it is somewhat irrelevant. I have a lot of body issues that have some correlation with that as well as some other issues which plays into this relationship. He told me on my birthday that my body just “felt wrong”. He tried to force me to take off my clothes infront of a group of my friends and kept on trying by asking and then by physically trying for way too long. I had told him no several times. Then he started to cry. Not because he realized what he was doing was wrong, but because of how sad he felt that I had a terrible relationship with my own body.
Another situation with another fellow he just assaulted me and called it kink. It was my first experience with kink. I didn’t want any of it. He picked a pet name for me and kept on calling me that if we would run into each other. It made me sick. I now have removed myself from all people we had in common.
I had a long term boyfriend that was very angry over what I had done, so he did things to me that he would have never done otherwise and every action was full of spite. I felt like I was to blame because I had cheated on him once before.
Other situations with strangers/acquaintances at parties, they sometimes feel like they have the right to touch, grope, and ask why I don’t want to take off my clothes. Respect me, don’t touch me or ask. You clearly don’t know me. Once it escalated past that in a gay club and this older man took me away from my friends. I was seventeen and he was much older than I. None of my friends realized anything was going wrong and never bothered to check. The situation landed up okay, but it was fear inducing and has left a lasting impact.
I have tolerated a lot out of guilt, fear, and not knowing better. Why am I targeted? What did I do?
I am an emotionally stunted loser with negligible communication skills and that is why nothing ever works, and that has been stated as a reason before(without kinder words).